Ep 22 Breaking the Cycle: How to Overcome Self-Sabotage in Midlife

Aug 23, 2025

We all have moments when we get in our own way, whether through procrastination, perfectionism or persistent self-doubt. For many women navigating midlife or facing the emotional shifts of an empty nest, these habits can quietly intensify.

Self-sabotage can feel like an invisible barrier between who you are and who you want to become. But with the right mindset, support and tools, that barrier can be dismantled, one small shift at a time.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage refers to patterns of behaviour, thoughts or decisions that undermine your own goals, wellbeing or potential. Sometimes it’s obvious, missing deadlines, abandoning goals or avoiding opportunities. Other times, it’s more subtle, putting yourself last, harsh self-talk or staying stuck in “I’m not ready” mode.

It’s often rooted in fear: of failure, of change or even of success. Over time, these habits can lead to:

Low confidence
Missed opportunities
A growing sense of frustration or emotional fatigue
Reinforced beliefs that you’re “not good enough” or “can’t change”

This cycle is particularly common for women who’ve spent years prioritising others. When your role shifts, like during the empty nest transition, old emotional patterns often resurface. That’s why inside our free guide "16 Ways to Survive your Children Leaving Home" we look at the emotional roots of habits like these with care and clarity.

Step One: Recognise the Patterns

The first step in breaking free is becoming aware. Take a moment to gently reflect:

Where do I hold myself back?
What habits no longer serve me?
When do I feel most stuck and what’s happening beneath the surface?

This isn’t about judgement, it’s about curiosity.

Strengthening Your Self-Discipline (Without Harshness)

Self-discipline isn’t about being hard on yourself. It’s about showing up with consistency, clarity and self-respect.

Here’s how to start building it in a sustainable way:

Set realistic, values-aligned goals
Break tasks into manageable steps to avoid overwhelm
Use small daily routines to create gentle structure
Practise self-control in moments of temptation, not by restriction, but by reminding yourself of what matters most
Celebrate progress, no matter how small

It’s not about being perfect every day. It’s about being purposeful, more days than not.

Practical Ways to Overcome Self-Sabotage

You don’t need to fix everything at once. These small shifts can make a big difference:

Build self-awareness – Start noticing your triggers and how you respond. Patterns often reveal themselves when you slow down and observe.
Challenge limiting beliefs – Gently question the stories you tell yourself. Are they true? Are they helpful?
Focus on what you can control – Progress doesn’t require perfect conditions. It begins where you are.
Surround yourself with support – Seek out people who believe in your growth. Don’t try to do it all alone.
Create routines that ground you – Especially in times of transition, daily anchors (like morning walks, journaling or breathwork) offer stability.
Prioritise self-care – A well-rested, nourished mind is more resilient.
Treat setbacks as teachers – Every slip-up is a chance to learn, not a reason to give up.
Ask for help – If patterns feel deeply rooted, support from a therapist, coach or course can provide real traction.

You Are Not the Problem - The Pattern Is

Self-sabotage is not a reflection of your worth. It’s often a coping strategy that once served a purpose but is now out of date. The good news? Patterns can be rewritten.

You have the strength to make new choices. To believe new thoughts. To take aligned, courageous action, even if it’s messy and slow.

Rewrite the Story - One Choice at a Time

This chapter of life isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about finding your footing again. Reconnecting with what matters. And gently, bravely, choosing to believe in the version of you that’s waiting to be lived.

Self-sabotage may be part of your past. But it doesn’t have to shape your future.

Start small. Stay kind. Keep going.

Your future self is already cheering you on.