Ep 8 - "Why Do I Keep Getting in My Own Way?” — How to Break the Cycle of Self-Sabotage in Midlife

You’re smart. You’re capable. You’ve done so much for others over the years - raised kids, managed a home, showed up for work and family and everything in between.

And yet... you still sometimes feel stuck, like something inside you keeps pulling the emergency brake just as you start moving forward.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not broken - you’re just dealing with a sneaky pattern that so many of us carry, especially in midlife: self-sabotage.

Let’s talk about it.

What Is Self-Sabotage, Really?

Self-sabotage often hides in plain sight. It looks like procrastination, overthinking, perfectionism or telling yourself “I’ll start Monday.”

It’s not because you’re lazy or unmotivated. Usually, it comes from deeper things - fear, self-doubt, old stories you’ve been told (or have told yourself) about what you’re capable of.

And if you’ve spent decades putting others first, it's not surprising that your own needs, dreams or desires feel uncomfortable - even risky - to pursue.

Common Ways We Self-Sabotage

• Putting things off even when we care about them

• Talking ourselves out of taking a leap

• Believing we’re not “ready,” “qualified,” or “enough”

• Shrinking back the moment we gain a little momentum

• Repeating habits we know aren’t helping - but feel safe

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. And you’re not stuck.

Let’s Talk About Breaking the Pattern

Here are five small but powerful ways to begin shifting away from self-sabotage and toward the version of you who trusts herself again.

1. Identify Your Triggers

What situations throw you off track? Stress? Uncertainty? A critical voice from the past? Start noticing when you pull away from your own progress. Awareness is the first breakthrough.

2. Practice Self-Awareness

Catch the pattern as it’s happening. Ask yourself, “What am I avoiding right now and why?” The goal isn’t to shame yourself, but to gently notice when your behavior isn’t lining up with your true desires.

3. Challenge Old Beliefs

Self-sabotage thrives on beliefs like “I’m not cut out for this” or “I always fail.” When those thoughts show up, pause and challenge them. Would you say that to your best friend? No? Then don’t say it to yourself.

4. Start Replacing the Habit

Pick one new habit - just one. Something that supports the woman you’re becoming. Maybe it’s journaling for five minutes each morning, or closing the laptop at 8 p.m. to wind down. Keep it doable. Small shifts lead to real change.

5. Treat Yourself with Kindness

Beating yourself up for self-sabotaging… is just another form of sabotage. Instead, try this: “I’m learning a new way of being. Of course it’ll take time.”

You can’t punish yourself into transformation. But you can love yourself into one.

You Can Break Free

This isn’t about fixing yourself. You’re not broken. This is about returning to yourself - the version of you who knows what she wants, trusts her inner voice and finally stops holding herself back.

It won’t be overnight. But every time you choose awareness over autopilot…
Every time you speak kindly to yourself instead of spiraling…
Every time you keep going instead of giving up…

You’re becoming her.

And that? That’s powerful.

With love
Wendy

The Mind Training Gym
Come as you are. Reinvent who you become.